I am angry. I am angry that I will never get to see Shyloh and Tyce turn one. I will never get to see them walk. I will never get to see them discover their likes and dislikes. I will never get to meet their girlfriends. I will never get to see them graduate. I will never get to see them go to college. I will never see them get married. I have every right to be angry. Or do I?
Maybe my right to be angry has been taken away. Taken away by the fact that He loves me. I am reminded of the scenes from The Passion of The Christ. The scenes of Jesus being crucified. I am reminded of the story of his crucifixion in the New Testament. I am reminded that not one time did Jesus ever get angry. Why didn't he? Because he knew what was coming. He knew His purpose.
This is graphic. It is scenes from The Passion of The Christ. If anything, just close your eyes and let the words of the song saturate you.
I can't be angry. I can only be a light in a dark world. And no matter what pain I must endure, I must keep my eyes on His purpose as it becomes my purpose......... because He loves me.
He loves us!
Love y'all,
Scott
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Trying to catch up with the world
Here's what I do not know....How could God give us 2 beautiful boys and then allow them to be taken away from us by a horrible disease? How could God allow my wife to go through the pain she went through without the joy of holding 2 crying babies in her arms? How could God allow us to experience such grief? How can God be such a cruel God? How can God allow evil people to walk this earth but take away our boys?
Here's what I do know....God is in control. God is not human. He sees the "big picture". He knows that our experiences, good or bad, will always be to our benefit. Here's an example - One night we had to take Shae to the emergency room because she had a little bit of blood coming from her female area. The doctors felt that it was a urinary tract infection but the only way the could tell was by examining her female area. I had to watch Shae cry and all I could do was hold her hand and remain by her side while they examined her. I remember her looking at me with her her big, beautiful, blue eyes with this look of "why are you allowing this to happen to me?" "How can you just stand there and let this happen to me?" Shae didn't understand that her mom and dad love her so much that we will do anything to make sure she is ok, even if it means causing her pain. That brief pain was necessary to make sure she is healthy now.
That is how we are. Renee and I have no idea why we are experiencing this horrible pain. God does. God is our Father and He knows what is best for us. It is very hard to swallow but we both know that Shyloh and Tyce will continue to impact people's lives for years to come.
Some might ask how long will the pain last? How long will God let us keep suffering? Let me be the first to tell you that we are NOT suffering. We are rejoicing because we have witnessed the impact these boys have had first hand. We are rejoicing because we know that our boys are in heaven and one day we will see them again.
God has taught us so much. God has taught us that we need to depend on Him more. God has taught us that we need to share our faith. God has taught me to love my wife with more compassion. God has taught me to love my wife with less judgment. God has taught me to pray with my wife. God has taught me to not be afraid. I could keep going and going. This is not suffering. This is accepting God's will for our lives and taking it forward so that others might see. This is God's plan for everyone.
Your time is coming. Your pain is coming. Be ready.
Here's what I do know....God is in control. God is not human. He sees the "big picture". He knows that our experiences, good or bad, will always be to our benefit. Here's an example - One night we had to take Shae to the emergency room because she had a little bit of blood coming from her female area. The doctors felt that it was a urinary tract infection but the only way the could tell was by examining her female area. I had to watch Shae cry and all I could do was hold her hand and remain by her side while they examined her. I remember her looking at me with her her big, beautiful, blue eyes with this look of "why are you allowing this to happen to me?" "How can you just stand there and let this happen to me?" Shae didn't understand that her mom and dad love her so much that we will do anything to make sure she is ok, even if it means causing her pain. That brief pain was necessary to make sure she is healthy now.
That is how we are. Renee and I have no idea why we are experiencing this horrible pain. God does. God is our Father and He knows what is best for us. It is very hard to swallow but we both know that Shyloh and Tyce will continue to impact people's lives for years to come.
Some might ask how long will the pain last? How long will God let us keep suffering? Let me be the first to tell you that we are NOT suffering. We are rejoicing because we have witnessed the impact these boys have had first hand. We are rejoicing because we know that our boys are in heaven and one day we will see them again.
God has taught us so much. God has taught us that we need to depend on Him more. God has taught us that we need to share our faith. God has taught me to love my wife with more compassion. God has taught me to love my wife with less judgment. God has taught me to pray with my wife. God has taught me to not be afraid. I could keep going and going. This is not suffering. This is accepting God's will for our lives and taking it forward so that others might see. This is God's plan for everyone.
Your time is coming. Your pain is coming. Be ready.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Today was a good day.
Every time Shae goes to sleep we say our prayers. It goes like this...
"Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. God Bless Mommy & Daddy, Shae Shae, Shyloh & Tyce, Charlie....." and continue to name off the rest of our family.
Today was the first day I was able to say the prayer without crying. ;o)
Every morning I wake up and my prayer is that the Lord give Shyloh & Tyce a hug and tell them how much I love them.
Although my body is a constant reminder of the babies no longer in my womb I am slowly able to rejoice again. Shyloh and Tyce, as tiny as they were, made such a difference. Isn't that every mother's dream? My little quarterback & linebacker made an impact far greater than I will ever truly know.
It's funny. People have thanked me for fighting so hard... Trying and doing everything we could to help Shyloh and Tyce. THAT was the easy part.
Have I mentioned that God is SOOOO GOOD? He gave us this beautiful blond little girl that needs her Momma to wake up every single morning..... usually so we can watch cartoons and eat a fruit snack ;o) I can't sit around and have a pity party. God gave me her little laugh to help patch some of the cracks in my heart. I know I've shared this verse before, but it is SOOOO comforting to me. James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above.
I'm sorry if this is rambling... These are just some of the thoughts I needed to get out and release.... Thank you to everyone that reads our blog. Thank you for your kind words, encouragement and prayers. I promise I will reply to all of you, I'm just not quite ready yet. But, know that I did start reading them and am SOOOOO touched by each and every one of you.....
God's timing... I have a friend from 10th grade that I used to play basketball with that I haven't talked to in YEARS... Well, we became friends on facebook and she read my blogs and she sent me the sweetest card and an AMAZING book when she read that Shyloh & Tyce had gone to heaven. This book brought me such comfort on one of the saddest days of my life. And to think God knew all along why she was apart of my life.... not so we could play JV basketball together in 10th grade.... but because he had something much bigger planned 11 years later. His grace is amazing!!
"Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. God Bless Mommy & Daddy, Shae Shae, Shyloh & Tyce, Charlie....." and continue to name off the rest of our family.
Today was the first day I was able to say the prayer without crying. ;o)
Every morning I wake up and my prayer is that the Lord give Shyloh & Tyce a hug and tell them how much I love them.
Although my body is a constant reminder of the babies no longer in my womb I am slowly able to rejoice again. Shyloh and Tyce, as tiny as they were, made such a difference. Isn't that every mother's dream? My little quarterback & linebacker made an impact far greater than I will ever truly know.
It's funny. People have thanked me for fighting so hard... Trying and doing everything we could to help Shyloh and Tyce. THAT was the easy part.
Have I mentioned that God is SOOOO GOOD? He gave us this beautiful blond little girl that needs her Momma to wake up every single morning..... usually so we can watch cartoons and eat a fruit snack ;o) I can't sit around and have a pity party. God gave me her little laugh to help patch some of the cracks in my heart. I know I've shared this verse before, but it is SOOOO comforting to me. James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above.
I'm sorry if this is rambling... These are just some of the thoughts I needed to get out and release.... Thank you to everyone that reads our blog. Thank you for your kind words, encouragement and prayers. I promise I will reply to all of you, I'm just not quite ready yet. But, know that I did start reading them and am SOOOOO touched by each and every one of you.....
God's timing... I have a friend from 10th grade that I used to play basketball with that I haven't talked to in YEARS... Well, we became friends on facebook and she read my blogs and she sent me the sweetest card and an AMAZING book when she read that Shyloh & Tyce had gone to heaven. This book brought me such comfort on one of the saddest days of my life. And to think God knew all along why she was apart of my life.... not so we could play JV basketball together in 10th grade.... but because he had something much bigger planned 11 years later. His grace is amazing!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
God is like Scotch Tape.... You can't always see him, but you know he's there!!!
Renee's Perspective:
I want to first thank everyone for the messages, comments, phone calls, & texts. I hope you understand that I haven't read or listened to them because I am just not ready. Please know that I am just grieving privately with my family and when the time is right I will reply to each of you. My Mom, Dad & Scott have relayed a lot of messages... THANK YOU for your love and support, but I am just not ready to talk yet.
It's funny. My Mom and I had a conversation about people asking, "How are Renee and Scott doing?" She always politely says, "As good as can be expected." We think people don't really know what to say or what to ask, and that's ok. We really don't know what to say right now either. We are all physically fine. But, asking the Lord to help mend our broken hearts.
Here's a little about what happened.....
On Wednesday the 9th I had some very rough contractions at about 4 am. I was put back on magnesium to stop them and had an ultrasound as soon as, Jill, our Sonographer, came in. I could see right away that there were no heart beats. After all, I've seen Shyloh & Tyce everyday at our ultrasounds. I've learned what to look for and have asked questions along the way so I can see things for myself. Dr. Q. came in shortly after and confirmed what I already knew. I was then told I would be taken off the Magnesium so that I could have my contractions and deliver my babies.
On June 10th I gave birth to two beautiful boys. Tyce Lynn & Shyloh Lee Britt. Although I never heard them cry, they never looked up at me or held my finger in their hands, they were our little fighters.... our very own tiny Angels sent by God. I was able to hold them. Hug them. Tell them I loved them. My Dad even anointed them with oil, prayed over them and read the bible to them. It was heartbreaking as a mother, but I know they are in Heaven saving seats for us.
God has been so good to us and continues to work in amazing ways! We always say every day is a good day, because it truly is. God gives us a sunrise and a new beginning every single morning. Is it hard sometimes, ABSOLUTELY, but we know God has a big enough band aid to eventually heal our hearts. Plus, we know God gave us Shae first for a reason. The other day we had a tea party that was absolutely hilarious. We needed to laugh that hard.
Through our grieving, our family has become closer. I feel like my hand fits even more perfectly in Scott's. We will continue to praise God in ALL things. We ask that you continue to pray for us and our time of healing.
We never knew the impact our boys and their fight would have on so many people. We just started blogging to get out what all was going on in our pregnancy. It's crazy to see all the ways God has worked through this blog.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
P.S. Shyloh & Tyce have inspired me to go back to school and get a degree in diagnostic sonography. I hope to be able to help other mothers see their beautiful babies just as I was able to see mine!!
Renee
I want to first thank everyone for the messages, comments, phone calls, & texts. I hope you understand that I haven't read or listened to them because I am just not ready. Please know that I am just grieving privately with my family and when the time is right I will reply to each of you. My Mom, Dad & Scott have relayed a lot of messages... THANK YOU for your love and support, but I am just not ready to talk yet.
It's funny. My Mom and I had a conversation about people asking, "How are Renee and Scott doing?" She always politely says, "As good as can be expected." We think people don't really know what to say or what to ask, and that's ok. We really don't know what to say right now either. We are all physically fine. But, asking the Lord to help mend our broken hearts.
Here's a little about what happened.....
On Wednesday the 9th I had some very rough contractions at about 4 am. I was put back on magnesium to stop them and had an ultrasound as soon as, Jill, our Sonographer, came in. I could see right away that there were no heart beats. After all, I've seen Shyloh & Tyce everyday at our ultrasounds. I've learned what to look for and have asked questions along the way so I can see things for myself. Dr. Q. came in shortly after and confirmed what I already knew. I was then told I would be taken off the Magnesium so that I could have my contractions and deliver my babies.
On June 10th I gave birth to two beautiful boys. Tyce Lynn & Shyloh Lee Britt. Although I never heard them cry, they never looked up at me or held my finger in their hands, they were our little fighters.... our very own tiny Angels sent by God. I was able to hold them. Hug them. Tell them I loved them. My Dad even anointed them with oil, prayed over them and read the bible to them. It was heartbreaking as a mother, but I know they are in Heaven saving seats for us.
God has been so good to us and continues to work in amazing ways! We always say every day is a good day, because it truly is. God gives us a sunrise and a new beginning every single morning. Is it hard sometimes, ABSOLUTELY, but we know God has a big enough band aid to eventually heal our hearts. Plus, we know God gave us Shae first for a reason. The other day we had a tea party that was absolutely hilarious. We needed to laugh that hard.
Through our grieving, our family has become closer. I feel like my hand fits even more perfectly in Scott's. We will continue to praise God in ALL things. We ask that you continue to pray for us and our time of healing.
We never knew the impact our boys and their fight would have on so many people. We just started blogging to get out what all was going on in our pregnancy. It's crazy to see all the ways God has worked through this blog.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
P.S. Shyloh & Tyce have inspired me to go back to school and get a degree in diagnostic sonography. I hope to be able to help other mothers see their beautiful babies just as I was able to see mine!!
Renee
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Update
We are sitting in the room with Renee and just patiently waiting for her to dialate. The contractions are coming more frequently and much harder. It is hard to watch but I've never known this beautiful mother to back down from anything. I am so proud of her.
Please continue to pray for Renee. She wants to be home so bad. Pray that God will comfort her.
Thank you
Scott
Please continue to pray for Renee. She wants to be home so bad. Pray that God will comfort her.
Thank you
Scott
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Thank you to everyone
It is with great sadness that I must tell you that Shyloh and Tyce have gone on to be with our Lord. My parents and I are headed down to Miami to be with Renee and her family. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for safe travels. They are and will always be our boys and Renee and I will always be parents to identical twin boys. God is right here with us every step of the way and we praise Him for the time we had with Shyloh and Tyce. Thank you to everyone for everything you did for us. Food, money, airfare, hotel stay etc etc. We hope we can only do the same for you one day. We love you all!!
Scott, Renee, Shae, Shyloh, and Tyce
Scott, Renee, Shae, Shyloh, and Tyce
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Here's a picture of our beautiful baby Shyloh and some new news ;o)
We have 2 heartbeats today, so today is a great day!!!
Great News!!!
Fetal Echo cardiogram shows no more signs of arrhythmia
During our daily sonogram, Jill, our technician was sooooo kind to give us about ten 3D pictures of shyloh!! He is SOOOOO handsome!!! Boy does he look like his big sister and his Daddy!! ;o)
Not as good news....
My fluid level went up even more from yesterday. Today I'm at 16.4..... normal 2-8. You can just call us "Over Achievers" ;o) hehe
On another GREAT note!!! Mom and Ry are here ;o) Apparently even at 27 you need & want your momma ♥
They also brought me an AMAZING goodie basket from all my friends at church!!! I mean there is EVERYTHING in this basket!!!! beautiful cards, candies, food, pastels, sketch kit, sketch paper, hair ties, markers, Gatorade, tanning lotion (Lord knows I'm super white and not getting any sun down here haha) games, yarn, magazines, lotions, perfumes, sleeping mask, frames, nail stuff, razors, and my ABSOLUTE FAVE is the beautifully made cheetah print & hot pink hospital gown & matching flip flops (The gown was beautifully hand-made my Erin Geairn & I've already asked if she will make me more because these gowns aren't nearly as cute as hers!!!) I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the thoughtfulness put into this basket!! I am sooooo blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!! Thank you all SOOOOOOOOOO much!!!
Well, I think I'm going to take Momma Nancy down in one of my new games.... "Scrabble Slam card game" wish me luck!!!!
Thank you again for your prayers!!! We truly appreciate it & continue to need prayers!!! Today we are 23 weeks 4 days and every day is a blessing!!!!
♥
The Britts
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