Here's what I do not know....How could God give us 2 beautiful boys and then allow them to be taken away from us by a horrible disease? How could God allow my wife to go through the pain she went through without the joy of holding 2 crying babies in her arms? How could God allow us to experience such grief? How can God be such a cruel God? How can God allow evil people to walk this earth but take away our boys?
Here's what I do know....God is in control. God is not human. He sees the "big picture". He knows that our experiences, good or bad, will always be to our benefit. Here's an example - One night we had to take Shae to the emergency room because she had a little bit of blood coming from her female area. The doctors felt that it was a urinary tract infection but the only way the could tell was by examining her female area. I had to watch Shae cry and all I could do was hold her hand and remain by her side while they examined her. I remember her looking at me with her her big, beautiful, blue eyes with this look of "why are you allowing this to happen to me?" "How can you just stand there and let this happen to me?" Shae didn't understand that her mom and dad love her so much that we will do anything to make sure she is ok, even if it means causing her pain. That brief pain was necessary to make sure she is healthy now.
That is how we are. Renee and I have no idea why we are experiencing this horrible pain. God does. God is our Father and He knows what is best for us. It is very hard to swallow but we both know that Shyloh and Tyce will continue to impact people's lives for years to come.
Some might ask how long will the pain last? How long will God let us keep suffering? Let me be the first to tell you that we are NOT suffering. We are rejoicing because we have witnessed the impact these boys have had first hand. We are rejoicing because we know that our boys are in heaven and one day we will see them again.
God has taught us so much. God has taught us that we need to depend on Him more. God has taught us that we need to share our faith. God has taught me to love my wife with more compassion. God has taught me to love my wife with less judgment. God has taught me to pray with my wife. God has taught me to not be afraid. I could keep going and going. This is not suffering. This is accepting God's will for our lives and taking it forward so that others might see. This is God's plan for everyone.
Your time is coming. Your pain is coming. Be ready.
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3 comments:
What a beautiful portrayal of the mighty God we serve. I'm sorry for your loss of Tyce and Shyloh. I found your blog through a fellow TTTS mommy. Prayers for your entire family.
Thank you Elizabeth
Although we can not see the bigger picture that god has for us sometimes, and while in the middle of a battel we forget...god is placing us in that battel b/c he knows the bigger picture and that we can get through all things with him and b/c he is preparing us for bigger and better things to come!Your bigger and better things are on there way!
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